Category: All

I met a man in that rowdy bar downtown.

I met a man and he told me that I was beautiful.

I thought it was absurd, that he was mocking me because how would anyone in his right senses find me beautiful in the state I was in. Old bartender uniform that was a size bigger, Bantu knots on my head and everything displeasing on my face.

Hah! Beauty? Me?

Beautiful was something you said about white girls in magazines and a few black ones with softer features than I.

I laughed in his face, angrily. How dare he criticize me like that?

The man insisted. I was beautiful.

He came to the bar every evening to keep telling me I was beautiful and to get to know me better.

That was how I thought I fell in love. It was with a man who worshipped the beauty of my rough manly appearance and found my deep voice melodious.

He was too adventurous where I was concerned and I allowed him to explore.

Explore he did; every inch of me. I opened up for him even where I was uncomfortable doing because I needed him. I needed him to make feel beautiful and womanly, to make me feel like a beautiful woman.

He praised my beauty more when we interacted sexually and I felt inclined to serve more of where my beauty lied most.

He taught me that my beauty lied more in my sexual abilities and that was okay because I believed him.

It became like that. I communicated with him in that manner and he told me that I was beautiful, easing my insecurities.

Little did I realize that he was building more on my self-consciousness. How could I be beautiful in the way he explained if I did not feel as excellent in his specified area as I thought should be, or even special? Once that question came, more others came and I stopped believing his praises of my beauty.

By the time I stopped being a slave to his masochistic desires, I left more messed-up than I was when I came in.

He left me angry, pained and used.

I still do not feel that I am beautiful.

.Mpho

Hey!

I have not returned here for some little while but today, I have.

Today, my pen bleeds uncontrollably and there is no better place to have the blood be shed than the paper whose painful longing has been the cause of that deep gash.

Today my hand has been shaking non-stop, a withdrawal symptom for a drug I had been so intent on taking a break from. Oh but I have failed! I have failed to stay away. Today, yet again, I am back getting high off this intoxication because this syllables are an addiction I can never seem to win quitting.

Today my brain refused to be my ally, not when I had been depriving it off its usual dosage of chemicals. Today, my mind drove me into getting high for it to stop fighting.

Today my heart beat louder and faster than usual. Thumping violently, producing rhythms that shook my whole body. My poor heart needed a release, something to keep it holding on for me a little bit longer; and no, I could not bring myself to ignore that loud thrumming against my ribs which had me thinking for a while that my one precious organ would fall out of my chest.

Today all my vessels were unbearably tense. My blood was still, refusing to flow as though there was a stronger force that kept it intact despite the hard pumps created inside my ribs.

Today, there was too much havoc in my entire body for me to know I had to do something. I had to get up and free my pen from the solitude that had governed it. I had to do what I knew set my spirits at tranquility; that which had the power to end all forms of chaos my raging soul could come up with.

Today, I lay myself out in the open for all of the universe’s creation to see. I dug a hole into one of my walls and allowed myself to escape this planet of my own.

Today these words pour out of me like rain in the summer. The letters rush out of every pore of my body as though they had been compressed under immense pressure, I do not blame them.

Today, I have allowed my pen to take over. I have allowed its ink to expose me, to lay out my nakedness. Its nib has my full permission to uncover all parts of me; shallow or deep, raw or mild. Today, I shall not put the lid back on this pen again; nor shall I even then when the storm has calmed down.

Today, I shall yet again bask in the glory of what I really am. I shall be a writer, unapologetically. Today and all other days to follow, all my bitterness and sweetness will be released from all tissues I had hid them in.

Today, I shall yet again be an artist of syllables.

.Mpho

Hey lovelies! Welcome to my blog.

Today is the 09th July 2020, a not-so-beautiful Thursday; what with all the crisis the world is currently facing. Anyhow, today’s date needs to be saved because girl finally started a blog.

This, blogging thingy, is something I had thought of doing a long while back but you can trust me to procrastinate doing something until it almost slips my mind. Well, boredom is what drove me forcefully to begin on this journey today.

Funny thing is, I have no idea what this blog is to entail; no theme or direction in mind, so it’s just going to be about everything and anything. From the littlest to the greatest things, the simplest to the most complex, the ‘normaliest’ to the weirdest.

People who know me know that I’m crazy about writing and that I write about almost anything that comes to mind. And oh, on the issue of knowing me, I suppose you’d like a little insight about me; seeing as to how you’ll be joining in on my little special world.

I can’t say much though because wow no, introductions and I aren’t a good mix but I do believe you are going to learn quite a lot about me(with or without realising) through this baby I’m working on here.

As I said, I have no specific purpose for this blog so I won’t really be posting frequently or with a schedule. Whenever I feel the need to put something down and out then I’ll post but I can’t guarantee constant times.

I take this blog as a platform for me to just write with no restrictions or anything, just to experience my freedom with syllables.

I am a word addict, like addict addict, and this blog serves as a space for me to freely get intoxicated with the alphabet.

This post has been more or less me blabbering(in writing) pointlessly pointfully, argh!

I hope you do enjoy reading as much as I’m to enjoy writing and I do hope to impact your life in some way or the other through this.

And please don’t be a silent reader. Give feedback! Comment! Like! Share the link with your friends! Help a girl grow as a writer! Pretty pwetty please, I would be entirely grateful.

I love you and enjoy the rest of your day.

.Mpho