I met a man in that rowdy bar downtown.
I met a man and he told me that I was beautiful.
I thought it was absurd, that he was mocking me because how would anyone in his right senses find me beautiful in the state I was in. Old bartender uniform that was a size bigger, Bantu knots on my head and everything displeasing on my face.
Hah! Beauty? Me?
Beautiful was something you said about white girls in magazines and a few black ones with softer features than I.
I laughed in his face, angrily. How dare he criticize me like that?
The man insisted. I was beautiful.
He came to the bar every evening to keep telling me I was beautiful and to get to know me better.
That was how I thought I fell in love. It was with a man who worshipped the beauty of my rough manly appearance and found my deep voice melodious.
He was too adventurous where I was concerned and I allowed him to explore.
Explore he did; every inch of me. I opened up for him even where I was uncomfortable doing because I needed him. I needed him to make feel beautiful and womanly, to make me feel like a beautiful woman.
He praised my beauty more when we interacted sexually and I felt inclined to serve more of where my beauty lied most.
He taught me that my beauty lied more in my sexual abilities and that was okay because I believed him.
It became like that. I communicated with him in that manner and he told me that I was beautiful, easing my insecurities.
Little did I realize that he was building more on my self-consciousness. How could I be beautiful in the way he explained if I did not feel as excellent in his specified area as I thought should be, or even special? Once that question came, more others came and I stopped believing his praises of my beauty.
By the time I stopped being a slave to his masochistic desires, I left more messed-up than I was when I came in.
He left me angry, pained and used.
I still do not feel that I am beautiful.
.Mpho
Dorky Perky Writes 
😢❤
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🤍
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I have never been so moved 😪keep making me proud Lolo😁🤗
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The following is my advice to any person in the same or similar situation.
Okay, so first things first, beauty, better yet, *true beauty*, is found within. Who you are on the inside is what’s most important. You should focus more on your interior beauty than exterior. That’s the first step to take.
The second step is acceptance. Acceptance of your physical features, especially, is very important. Like, whether you have a small or big nose, big or flat ass, soft or deep voice etc. it doesn’t matter. They’re the features that make you, you. So embrace them. *Accept them.*
The third step is getting to know yourself better… As in your weaknesses and strengths, your talents etc…yknow?
•So yeah, practice these steps, they’ll help you better know yourself, love yourself, and accept yourself.
They’ll help with the issue of needing people to validate you as well.
It’ll take time, but it’s effective.
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Firstly, thank you very much for engaging with me and the readers on this matter.
It’s very true, beauty lies within. Many people need to introspect and know their inner selves. Realizing our true beauty is the best way one can acknowledge their outside beauty, embracing whatever physical features of theirs in whatever form they are in. That helps in dealing with whatever flaw you need to change that could be changed.
I hope your advice changes someone’s life.
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omg! This is soooo beautiful🥺🥺and to even think that’s the raw truth,,,how women seek validation and recognition in all the wrong places,,,myself included! I feel like the one solution that could work is Women Empowerment,,Girl Power,,sharing our success stories as women and building each other
Keep writing more Mpho and this is very very beautiful,,May God bless you abundantly❤️❤️
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Safe places to talk and empower one another could really be a great way forward. The moment we begin to uplift people who surround us rather than throwing stones everywhere is the moment things will begin to change for the better. I hope you, me and all other people trying to be validated finally realize that feeling beautiful is a matter that should not be put in other people’s hands.
Thank you very much for engaging in this conversation.
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This one makes me wanna cry🥺
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I know rightttt!
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Raw. Reading your writings feels like you have so much to tell and even when the piece is done It still feels like there’s more coming. And don’t get me wrong it’s not a bad aftertaste, it’s that, “I feel like there’s more to this story.” Feel. No lie, I’m fascinated by your writings. Might I suggest artists who do much of what you do, Sara Kay and Phil Kaye.
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I get the same feeling when I read what I wrote as well so I definitely get what you are referring. However, there’s always some little pleasure leaving the readers yearning for more. And thank you, I’ll check those artists out.
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I have never been so moved 😪keep making me proud Lolo😁🤗
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👏
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Beautiful writing this, truly is. One piece of advice I’d give though is that when it comes to venereal writing such as your own here, less than blatant writing probably is the way because this offensive to read, to many people that is. ✌
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Thank you very much.
I’ll be sure to take the advice into consideration as well.
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