of “COALNESS”
Black and dirty,
Extracted with no sparkle,
A discovery not worth appraisal,
Carbon creation but no diamond,
I’d rather be you.
To flee this mere existence
Of nothing but persistent numbness,
This constant survival
As a not special creation,
Much more of an abomination.
You who lives among gems but never could be,
Packaged neatly only to burn to ash,
To leave soot as dirt
And end up just like trash,
Existing as you probably is better.
Better than this undefined character
Which has been designed to be I,
This ball of flesh which remains undescribed,
Too excessive of everything to fit an adjective,
Leaving me a useless puzzle with several missing pieces.
Ripped off your safest haven,
Grabbed by the cold hands of humans
Who care not about what you have but more about what you can create,
Torn into shreds,
After all, your demise brings forth their warmth.
I’d still choose your life
Over this constant force that keeps me breathing.
The same breath keeps on cutting though,
Sign that even the oxygen does not deem me worthy enough of its consumption,
This universe has in all possible ways rejected me.
Been constantly snatched from darling mother ground
To be lit and forced to birth flames,
To parent the fire that tears you apart,
That tortures and kills you silently,
As they take in the warmth and sip their wines,
While remorselessly listening to your cackles in the background.
I still prefer to starr in your melancholic story,
The suffering is at least something,
Not this emptiness,
This shallow hollowness that makes me up,
This reminder that I mean nothing.
Letting products of your reaction to destroy you,
These flames of your creation,
Burn you, scald you,
It’s a cycle of your lifetime,
This cruel norm whose clutches you’ve succumbed to.
Everytime these scars reflect back into my eyes,
Flashes of painful prison days,
Of a life spent behind jail bars,
A punishment enforced by own mind,
One I had to fully-serve,
I’d keep choosing your life outline.
Having been born into this mediocrity,
I do not blame you for repeatedly allowing yourself to be ensnared into such a trap,
Giving yourself wholly up for the benefit of those you know not of,
Yet after all this, they find you as nothing but a mass of darkness,
Of soot and ashes that’s oh so unworthy.
I wish I’d be deluded as you are ,
Believe I’m beautiful but how could I,
When the very same one who’d worshipped such a trait of mine lied?
Be convinced I’m full of greatness,
But what even in my life could fall under such criteria?
Know the truth as me being good,
But I shall not deceive myself, I shall not.
Existed as never close to even second option,
You are no material for jewelry,
Nothing that shimmers and glistens,
But in a mixture of you and diamonds,
I’d shamelessly go for you.
Or maybe not.
Maybe despite being so desperate to belong,
Though you so much complement me,
I’d rather stop this game we both got into,
Of running back to fire despite the burns.
I’d rather live in my own invisible shell,
Unnoticed even by the ones who used to notice
My identity’d rather be defined by this nothingness
Than to be something but regarded so valueless.
.Mpho
Dorky Perky Writes 