Nights like this

On nights like this;

I toss and I turn,

I sweat and I shiver,

I let out screams I held back in yesterday night and before.

I scream and shake walls

Like a natural disaster with no forewarning.

On nights like this, there’s an earthquake shaking things up in my room.

On nights like this;

I don’t just cry, I howl

So loud, it threatens a wolf pack somewhere up North,

For not even their Alpha howls the way I do.

On nights like this, my melancholy cuts way too deep to be ignored.

On nights like this;

I relive the trauma and it all feels like a new event over again,

I’ll call it retraumatization.

On nights like this, I open up a new chapter of anguish without closing the old similar one.

On nights like this,

I am too tired to fight the demons,

Too tired to ‘visit my happy place’…a place which does exist but in my imagination.

On nights like this, I let the pain win because there’s really no point to keep fight a losing battle.

On nights like this;

I am the reciprocation of the monsters in my head,

Wild and angry.

On nights like this, my soul is dark and my heart heavy.

On nights like this,

My wretchedness is too clear to see

Even in the dark.

.Mpho